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About Deviant Joel KirchmyerMale/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 17 Years
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Statistics 16 Deviations 1 Comment 599 Pageviews

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a visit
Traffic wasn\'t so bad
I got there too early
My head filled and buzzing
Silent nothing to say
Can\'t make sense of my thoughts
There are far too many
I\'m drowning in them all
And I can\'t break away
Happy, sad, angry, glad
Or perhaps all of them
Everything keeps changing
Too fast for me to know
Time passes and I think
Confusion is growing
Getting harder to think
Guilt is growing inside
Don\'t know for what reason
As if I\'m betraying
The feelings I have had
People I used to love
Though I feel I still do
Just don\'t know anymore
I feel I still should though
Don\'t I owe it to them
Constant confrontation
Battling with myself
Paralyzed I can\'t speak
Only written words come
They try to set me free
It works for a short while
But the walls keep rising
Shrouding me from the light
The darkness takes over
It\'s showing through my eyes
Someone come to rescue
I\'m sitting all alone
:iconphilter:philter 0 1
On the verge
Killing myself to get back to you
I drink myself into oblivion
I want you back by my side
You know it's where we belong
Each day without you worsens the pain
I can't go on living my life this way
I am only alive now
And you are what I live for
You don't understand what it's about
I want to be your friend and so much more
You keep ripping my heart out
It's beginning to get old
I just can't let go
You mean too much to me now
We need to get back somehow
There is just too much to show
I'm not going to stop loving you
Always going to be waiting for it
The chance to make things right again
I'm always going to be here
Cherishing what we had I write this
I'll never be able to forget you
Please just do me one favor
Just don't let this slide away
We had something that I would die for
Never found it in anyone but you
Hate for it to end this way
So please just come back to me
:iconphilter:philter 0 0
I\'m sorry for what had happened
I\'m sorry for what I\'ve done
And though it isn\'t wright
You\'re always going to be the only one
I can\'t take back what I\'ve said
I can\'t tell you what I want to say
And the only thing I want
Is for you to hear me out and stay
Things will never be the same
Things will never be as they should
And all I can do is wish to change it
I would do so if I could
:iconphilter:philter 0 1
my promise to her
When the problems of life come raining down on you
Let me be your umbrella
I will stand by your side
Here for you to confide
The rest of my existance I belongs only to you
I want you to know I am yours and yours alone
You can always count on me
I will dry all your tears
I will drown all your fears
Together we can navigate through the unknown
:iconphilter:philter 0 0
my confession to her
Oh what a mess
I don\'t know what to do
I must confess
I still love you
Leave me alone
Far too much attention
Speak to atone
Things not mentioned
I can\'t let go
Forever trapped by you
Think you should know
I still love you
:iconphilter:philter 0 0
the end - philter
The blood running down
the life draining from me
soon I will be free
you needn\'t feel this way
i know it\'s hard every day
but you have friends who care
some more than we wish to share.
Releasing me now
bleed the pain and suffering
all the wondering
Take away my past
take away what is to be
don\'t let them see me
I don\'t belong here
I don\'t belong anywhere
I don\'t really care
Life has no meaning
:iconphilter:philter 0 0
lost you
my heart hangs as heavy as can be
my body aches for you to hold me
my eyes show my loss with every tear
my hands reaching out to draw you near
in my dreams i used to hide
but now they just repeat the day that I died
that very second that I lost you
there is no language that can describe how i feel
there are no pictures that can make it all real
my insides have all fallen out
my mind now completely worn out
there is nothing left of me but memories
you locked all the doors and destroyed all the keys
that very second that i lost you
the pain has from you dulled my senses
the sadness has raised my defenses
my days spent pondering what to do
my nights spent dreaming all about you
i can keep running away
but no matter what i'm stuck inside that day
that very second that i lost you
:iconphilter:philter 0 0
waiting for the past
my heart is being ripped from my chest
missing my past
everyone says it's all for the best
why can't things last
there is no going back
i keep on trying
no return of the things i lack
and i start crying
a lonely bird that can't return to it's old nest
i can only hide
out in the cold world along with the rest
death took me alive
waiting for my past
a wicked spell cast
:iconphilter:philter 0 0
peace returning
a tear forms in my eye
wishing i could cry
i am happily depressed
not feeling so obsessed
familiar sadness clouding my mind
finally i can again unwind
i've been wishing for it's return
watch me as i begin to burn
dying slowly inside
tearing me open wide
not wanting to confide
sweet depression to hide
my heart is aching
the tention breaking
the return of myself
but need to watch my health
i might end up letting go
not really meaning to though
i'm comfortable feeling this way
hiding myself from the light of day
keep myself locked away
some day i'll be okay
:iconphilter:philter 0 0
new girlfriend
what am i getting in to
what am i going to do
winter is coming soon
i will surely change my tune
my sadness is coming back
there is something that i lack
can't let go of my past
and i know this isn't going to last
another mishap to add to my list
another reason to want to not exist
:iconphilter:philter 0 0
please let me be
you consume my thoughts and i wish you would stop
you're etched into my brain always rising to the top
i can have no peace
and there is no release
no matter what i do
can't break away from you
how can you just let go
how can you just say no
you lied to me about what you had said
it makes me feel as if i were dead
you said you could never be without me
and i was ready to kneel down on my knee
the words that you spoke aloud
love for me is what you had vowed
but that was all just a lie
and your love for me ran completely dry
why did you torture me in this way
you made me belive that we were okay
you ripped my heart away from me
and your not even here so that you can see
i am suffering here now without you
and there isn't even anything i can do
i know that it is rather sad
but i cannot forget what it is that we had
i will never stop loving you
someone please tell me what to do
this girl is going to kill me
the thought of her won't let me be
:iconphilter:philter 0 2
the human species
I don't feel heathy
and I don't really care
Cause no one can help me
and all they do is stare
Gonna dig a little hole
and hide inside
Wait to get old
and then I'll die
There is no reason to bother
with everyday life
I've got nothing to offer
except a big knife
So take it from me
people are asses
And they'll never see
stuck in their classes
We're all headed for silence
when we die
So quit with the violence
and don't you cry
Everyone is worm food
after a while
One great big crude
festering flesh pile
:iconphilter:philter 0 0
missing you forever
Tossing and turning not able to sleep My eyes drowning me as I weep
When I close my eyes you are there Taunting me saying that you care
I cannot stop missing you There is nothing I can do
I'm almost to the point quitting
I'm sick of the pain and the sitting
This cannot go on this way Is it going to be this day
The day I finnaly end my pain Cut myself open and let the blood drain
For you I would bleed myself dry
Because of you I do nothing but cry
Without you there is no reason to even try
You are my reason for everything why
This pain is tearing me appart inside
It is easy to see on the outside
My heart has fallen appart from aching
And everyone sees my heath is fading
I'm dying out like the candles last light
I just wish it would finnaly happen on this night
:iconphilter:philter 0 2
True Love Lost
Trying to put together the puzzle of my existance.
There must be a way to break through the resistance.
My Mind refuses to believe my eyes.
The happy side cannot win no matter how hard it tries.
There is a war raging in my head.
If it ends I will surely be dead.
I know the out come of it all.
The good side would surely fall.
Not everything turns out the way it should.
I would change it if I could.
My life is not in my hands.
That is just the way it all stands.
To be back in her arms where I belong.
My mind retaining hope though I know it's wrong.
There is no hope for that day.
She's not coming back my way.
:iconphilter:philter 0 0


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Joel Kirchmyer
United States
Favourite genre of music: Alternative
Operating System: Linux
MP3 player of choice: Winamp
Shell of choice: Blackbox
Favourite cartoon character: Gir
If anyone actually looks at this and has any interest, feel free to check out… I seem to post a lot of stuff there too. Plus then it's like I acually keep a journal here, only not here. Err umm mevernind.


Add a Comment:
flosaurus Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2001  Hobbyist Digital Artist
w00t first Post!

The "Fellowship of the Random Deviant" came here on the 29 nov. 2001 but there was nothing to see...

Art is endless, life is too short